So I took the plunge and cut loose the lying KD (while my ovaries screamed noooooo we're ovulating now don't get rid of him yet!!!) and have started looking for another. Surprising enough I may have just found the next one. So far talks are going okay and it will be time to meet in person soon. My only concern is that he wants more of a co-parent relationship than just a sperm donor that disappears after conception. On one hand, I think that could be good for the kid to have another parent out there to depend on... but on the other hand, I'm seeing mountains of issues and things to discuss and compromise on and what if he doesn't want me as his baby mama or what if I'm too fat or too ugly or short or.. or... or... Ugh! I'm stressing myself out wondering if he's going to have some issue with me once we meet in person or if he's going to have some demand I find unreasonable or that we have conflicting parenting styles. Blergh!!!
*deep breath* I hate this part of the looking. When you're actually talking to a possible KD but you keep wondering if you're going to meet whatever expectations they have. So since I will not be able to stress about a tww, I'm going to stress about the possible new KD / co-parent; in case that wasn't completely obvious.
Now I'm off to pretend that I am not really obsessing about the fact that I'm ovulating today but not trying to get pregnant this cycle.
Marielle
P.S. Apparently I've had too much coffee today or something because I'm a little scatter brained.
I actually asked someone if he wanted to co-parent & it was the biggest blessing when he said no. I love the freedom of having a sperm donor, but can understand the benefits of having a male with whom you share a parenting relationship. All you can do is trust your instincts, I'm gonna say a prayer for you too :-)
ReplyDeleteI was in the same situation having decided to go it alone. Then I met a great guy, through a friend, who wanted to be a donor and a dad. I have absolutely no regrets. It's brilliant! He is a fabulous daddy and we see him regularly. We did spend a long time nutting out what we both wanted though, and have a legal agreement, both of which I would recommend, mainly because it made us really sit down and think about everything, but also to protect us both. I am happy to share more about that with you via an email if you want to know more. Good luck with all the thinking.
ReplyDeleteI would really like that. I don't even know what kind of things I need to think about at this point in time. We are planning on an agreement but neither one of us has any clue on what we need to put in there.
DeleteThanks
(My email is mariellesmith1978@gmail.com )
Ahh! So frustrating that you can't try this month... BUT I have my fingers crossed for you on this new donor. I actually wish my donor wanted a little more involvement in my baby's life, even as just a distant "uncle" type figure. But he has 13 donor kids already and other than just seeing updates on facebook, he's definitely not interesting in parenting the whole tribe. Of course most of those children have two parents already (when he donates to infertile couples or lesbian couples). I will make an effort to try to have some sort of male presence in my child's life, especially if I had a son... but I honestly just don't have any options right now, except one brother-in-law who is moving out of the country...
ReplyDeletethis is getting long, I need to do a blog post about it!
Good luck!