Guilt......

I seem to find a lot to feel guilty about.  Guilt over not typing up the awesome blog posts I make up in my head but forget about by the time I get to a computer.  Guilt over partially typing up a nominee post but putting it off because I can't find fifteen others to nominate that haven't already been nominated in the last week.  Guilt over not eating healthy and eating too much fast food, even though I've told myself I would start eating better.  And guilt over reading supermoms' blogs and thinking I'm a horrible person for even contemplating bringing a child into this world when I know I'll never be up to supermom level. 

Yes, I guilt trip myself over flaws that may or may not be an issue once a little one is around.  I procrastinate alot so obviously my poor child will never have anything done on time.  I like reading and watching tv...  I hate being outdoors... especially when it is sunny...  my skin itches and I break out into hives whenever in direct sunlight.  So obviously, my poor child is never going to play outdoors or go to the park or learn to swim...

Even as I'm feeling guilty over depriving my yet to exist child, I realize that most of my guilt is unfounded.  I procrastinate due to boredom and because I'm adhd, not because I don't want to get the work or project done.  When I put my mind to it, things get done.  I just oftentimes don't see the point when I'm by myself and no one is around to care if I haven't vacuumed in a week (or two) or dusted in a month (or three).  The thing about having adhd is if it isn't under a deadline, it doesn't get done or maybe that's just me and I'm just using that as an excuse.

I may have been a tomboy growing up but as I've gotten older, dirt and bugs have become horrifying things I want to avoid as much as possible but even then I'm willing to get down in the dirt and play with a child who is not even related to me so I doubt I would I keep any child I may be blessed with under house arrest especially when my skin itches for hours after coming in contact with grass.  Don't you just love those wacky allergies?

The thing is, even knowing that I will never live up to this image I have of what a supermom should be, I know that I will be a decent mother.  Sure I'll make mistakes, even mistakes that I swore I wouldn't make going in, but I'll learn from them and do better.  I may not have had the best examples of parenting growing up but I'm not that messed up and most of my issues are more related to adhd then failed parenting. 

So after guilting myself for awhile, I relax and give myself a pep talk and then I go find a blog where the mom isn't supermom but someone like me.  Someone who isn't perfect but is doing the best they can with what they've got.  Then I smile and feel inspired.

Marielle